Restless Soul

I can't settle down

My brain is racing

Like an over revved motor

a high tension wire

That snapped and

Is whipping about

Sparking and sparkling

Like fireworks in 

A cage, 

a snake pit

Of mixed images

Conjured up for

Who knows what

The discipline of yoga

And meditation and

Relaxation breathing

Are as far away 

As my youth tonight

I can't find a position

That doesn't hurt somehow

Or itch, or kinks my neck

Or my bladder

There is an urgency

A deadline looming

A list that extends

Beyond the time

I have left

Inquiète

I am not sick

I am not old

Or unhappy

I don't owe

I am dry 

And fed

I am loved

I have skills

I have talents

I have family

I have friends

O restless soul 

That seeks serenity

A lake, a forest,

An ocean view

Away from faces 

And voices

And gadgets

And needs

A bench with a view

where I can run 

my fingers through

my sleeping

Lover's hair

As the sun sets

Sleepless

2 A.M.

my mind

is racing

Tracing 

outlines 

Of the 

many things

I've seen

And done

In life

The neighbours

In my head

Are having

A party.

Someone 

Call the cops

The music 

That I'm 

Hearing 

pounding

Rhythms

Exotic

Hypnotic

Idiotic

In several

Hours 

I'll scrape

My sorry 

carcass

Out off bed

And smile 

And try

To be alive

In the moment

But right now

The flowing

Momentum

Of this 

Magma of 

Dream vomit

Is keeping me

From the

Stillness

Surrounding me.

We Breathe

Such a sorry state

My eyes seek yours

Barely awake

So tired,  unable to 

Sleep or wake

Quality of life

Is at stake

Joy and sorrow

Numbed to

Tundra where

Nothing grows

But lichen

Not likin'

This sorry story

State of 

Change of life

So strange

Hope is on

The horizon

Her eyes on me

So kind and

Gentle, loving 

Through

The pane of pain

Both hers and mine

We breathe

Night Train

I hear a freight train

But I don't live near

Any train tracks

Some trick of wind

Of rainy night

Has brought

Her near

The moaning groan

Of straining diesel

And clackety clack

Of wheel on steel

There are tracks

To the south of here

On the edge 

of the escarpment

And to the north

Of Côte-St.-Luc

Too far to hear

This sound so near

I wonder why and how

I hear it

I've always loved the 

sound of trains

I recall fondly

St. Henri's

switching 

sparking 

shriek 

To the 

sidings

While the fountains

Poured out of

Jacques Cartier's statue

In the empty park below

As the baby slept

Insomnia

ruthless, 

grinding

sleeplessness

muting the

brightest light

and sweetest

soul and

most deserving

creature

I have ever met

hope for

health for

her

November Landscape

Tossed another hour

On the wakeful fire

Wondering what in the 

World has just transpired

My body is rejecting

Sleep, ejecting waste

Another enemy 

this time within

I have been ordered

To do too much 

with too little

For too long

How can I protect

The only things

That matter when

I'm being poured

Through a funnel

Into a world

With no escape 

A dreary, bleak,

November landscape

No shadows no forms

No silhouettes

Nothing familiar

To lean on

No hope to hold on to

From my former life

That clings to me

Like a bad reputation

And My bliss is put on hold

As I attempt escape

The stranglehold 

Of debt and obligation

To a world that I rejected

After that world

Rejected me

I'm still held down by

Gravity

It's not the monetary cost

That matters most

I'm used to sacrifice

Filling a hole that 

Can't be filled

A Hungry monster

In A bottomless pit

On a dead end street

In a condemned

Neighborhood

For now, it feels

Like death row

But I know that 

After winter

Comes the spring

I must hold on

For come the spring

I will be dancing. 

Bad Dreams

Bad Dreams

Unfinished Business 

Bubbling

To the Surface

Bad Dreams

Restoring Living 

Nightmares

From the past

Bad Dreams 

Recurring Misery 

Haunting

Overwhelming

Bad Dreams

I should have 

skipped

The curry

Wake Up Call

Fucking cowboy snowplough dude

Three A.M. Is pretty rude

Ripping up and down the lane

Beneath my bedroom where I've lain

In troubled sleep while winter rages

at holiday's end's return to wages

Fucking bourgeois sleeping dead

This'll shake them from their bed

Rev it,shove it, beep reverse

Here's the drill, chapter and verse

I make noise so you can get to work

So suck it up you fucking jerk!

Realm Of Mystery

Some nights i lie awake

In sleepless wonder

Open to words and notes 

Routine asunder

In this silence that 

embraces me,

In this shower

of serenity

In this  moonlight 

realm of Mystery

My breath is steady

I am alive

My heart is ready

Uncontrived

My lover wonders

Where I've gone

I've come to gather

Verse and song

I will return and 

Sleep consume

But for now i'm

Staring at the moon

Sound

Why do they call it
"sound asleep"?
Sound is keeping me
From my sleep

I keep my guitar
Near my bed
So In the night
When beasties stir

And the pillow
Rejects my
pounding
Head


Door
Flush
Gush
Floor


I pace the strings
And try to
Remember
Lyrics or
Chords to


Half-forgotten songs
The soundtrack
Of my life
Half-remembered


An hour
Till the
buzzard
Squawks


Now I feel
Like sleeping


The hard route
As usual

All Else Can Wait

so sad to see you 

so drained

never taking 

what you need

until that need 

spills over 

into tears

giving should not

preclude living

gotta gotta gotta

lotta nonsense

if you’re fading

i don’t want to 

be a burden

or a barrier

to your serenity

sleep, sleep, sleep

let the enchantment

overtake you. 

all else can wait

Tonight's Sounds

Tonight's sounds
The ping of rain
On zigs and zags
Of fire escape and
Easter Island air ducts

The slapping
Of wet leaves
Becoming
Applause as
The wind picks up

The hiss of tires
On slick streets
Occasional diesel trucks
Seemingly lost in the
Sleepy city that is starting
To hum to life


The early morning flight ban
Is over as the jets begin
To roar like the ocean
A mile from the shore

The odd gust makes a swish
And two hunks of metal
Shiver shrug to the
Ostinato of countable drips

Countable drips but legato
The reversing truck a tempo
Working before the dawn
Makes us deaf
The sounds of night
Usurped by sight

Full Moon, Fat Raccoon

Full moon
Fat Raccoon
Garbage can
Scrape boom

Night noises
In the lane
Moaning cats
Fighting again

Neighbors shouting
Needs not met
Toxic words
They'll want
To forget

Waiting for
The birds
Of dawn
To drown
This darkness
With their song

Waiting for
The edge of night
To surrender
To the light

Fatigue

So distant
Removed
Fading as we spoke
Up in a puff of smoke

Weary eyes
Once danced
And sought my gaze
Vanished
In the haze
Of fatigue
beyond fatigue
And miles to go
Before we sleep

August Moon

Who's there?
My bed is bathed
in silver velvet
This August moon at 3 a.m.
So big and full and juicy
Drawing me like the tide
Inevitable force that
Awes and keeps me
Dozing not sleeping
Afraid to miss a minute
Of it's splendour

It's grace immersing
My soul. Tonight
I am love.

Buck Moon

July 12 2014.

Buck moon 

Thunder moon

Silver dollar

Super moon

Light my night

In silver white

Serene sentinel

Over Canada

I wish i was at 

The lake

Any lake

Double or nothing

Look up people

Look up

The world is 

Not so small 

Or large

 tonight

Serenity

Magnified

Problems

Nil

Tick Tock Echoes

In the tick tock echoes
Of my sullen mind
I see what's ahead
And those left behind

Frozen images without sound
Buried, sleeping, underground

Why this passage?
Why this night?
Why this whispering?
Half moon light

Alone with tapped out
Airless pause
My faceless mirror
The hapless cause

My yoga mind
My mindful breathing
Ease the pain of
Shadows leaving

Empty but for
My soft hum
Relaxed, relieved
That rest has come
(July 2014)

solstice

Again my sleep is robbed
and gathering in my head
a senseless angry mob
Demanding to be heard
Demanding to be heard

I hear a throb the dissonance
Of patterns unresolved
And scattered puzzles that remain unsolved

A vista of roofless rooms
And endless walls
Of prison yards
And cattle stalls

This shroud of solstice
Darkest night  Lie the tricks of
shadowy muted sight

I wrest control by even breathing
All those fugitives are leaving
The scenery of peace unfolding
Eyelids finally closing tight
they're finally closing tight
on the darkest night


December 23d 2013. adaptation by Nilia Berkin

Beyond Words

I'd get more
Sleep when
I sleep alone
If we didn't
Hang out
On the phone

Words

But I miss you so
Don't want to
Let you go

Words

It's a better rest
Sleeping in your nest
Sweeping hands
And quiet staring

My body melts
Into your form
Sharin the heat
Keepin us warm

You reach for me
I reach for you
Always there
Always true

Beyond words

Disambiguation

Disambiguation

My bed is not inviting
The riot in my head
Is too inciting
Instead of sleep
I'm furiously writing

The slab of dread
of nails 
i've tossed and turned
I've lost and learned
Been crossed and burned

Now just an hour
From alarming
All thoughts
Amplified to
Screeching
Feedback heights

No rest for the wicked
Know best where to stick it
No rest for the weary
My eyes sore and bleary

My spirit is infected,
Etched, and scarred
I never expected
Release to be so hard

And now i share
My hopes and fears
Laid bare
My biggest fear
There's nothing there
My biggest fear
There's nothing here
Nothing to fear
Nothing to wear

Dawn is breaking
Everything is aching
Nothing is making
Sense

Putting on the face
Of brave to face
The transitory
Bleakness
This transitory
Weakness
Undetected
Unexpected
Undirected

Feets don't fail me now