Would have been my 24th Anniversary
I am awake and upset
My task today is to enter
What used to be my home
Which is now a house
Foreboding
I will sort what is mine
From what is hers
I will label what was ours that
I don't want to argue about
I never want to argue about
I won't ever argue about
I will throw away and recycle
Years of dreams that
Couldn't be, that
Wouldn't be
And now never will
My ex is away on vacation
And the judge had his say
That while she is away
I can cull my effects.
Vacating while vacating
Separate vacations
I am eager to strip away
The ghosts of gaslit confusion
that still make me flinch
of
Suffering the insufferable
of
Accepting the unacceptable
of
Tolerating the intolerable
of
Enduring the unendurable
of
Living the unlivable
My night terrors of trying to swim
With every stitch I ever owned
Impeding my movement like a
Huge wet gorilla suit
And the weight of the keys
around my neck
That open doors once mine
Choking the life out of me
Soon to be shed
Soon to be dead
Everybody knows
...... I tried......
I have moved on
My story is happier
than hers.
I walk in the sun away
From the gaslight
My shadow clean
behind me
I am catching up to
Who I was
Who I am
Who I will become
Embracing life
Unstifled
Embracing love
Unbridled passion
For all that my senses
Can feel
But for now
In the lonely
Wee small hours
I ache and vomit
All regret
And duty
Forever.
July 29, 2013
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